getting our shit together

how to go insane in 4 easy steps

a stream of consciousness

GUESS THE MOVIE!?

When I was in my twenties, I bought the domain HowToGetYourShitTogether.com.

At the time, I thought it was going to be a funny self-help thing.

Maybe a book? Maybe a website? Or an app. OH WAIT, MAYBE A JOURNAL!

Maybe a place where I would eventually reveal the secrets of becoming a disciplined, organized, productive adult “GROWN-UP” who woke up early, answered emails on time, folded fitted sheets, paid bills before the late fees, and somehow became the kind of person who wore matching socks, “meal-prepped” without eating all my food in 2 days (#EpigeneticTraumaAlertOrParasites?), and did other normal people things - the kind of things you associate with “getting your sh*t together”

Basically, I thought I would one day figure out how to become normal.

I spent almost 20 years being mad at myself for not becoming that person.

Despite being able to write award-winning films and seem vaguely normal on the surface, I felt like a fake-succesful person; mad at myself because I couldn’t do basic ‘grown up stuff’ like remember to pay bills or sound linear in emails.

I felt embarrassed that I couldn’t just “get it together” for more than 2 days.

YOU MEAN I HAVE TO MAKE FOOD… EVERYDAY?!!?!

I felt ashamed that I was “too sensitive”, according to my parents.

I felt insecure and scared that I needed so much rest and couldn’t wake up before 9am consistently.

I felt frustrated that I could see patterns other people missed but couldn’t always follow basic instructions.

I felt annoyed that I could write, perform, invent, connect dots, feel everything, understand complex systems, and make people laugh - but still struggled with consistency, money, time, organization, and the basic logistics of life.

I thought the problem was ME.

For my entire life, I made myself a “fix it” project.

When my dad passed away in 2017 and I experienced burnout/a spiritual awakening/nervous system break down, I spent years hoping one day I would “bounce back” and become the SUPER PROFESSIONAL GROWNUP I ALWAYS WANTED.

I thought if I tried harder, healed harder, disciplined myself harder, organized harder, journaled harder, detoxed harder, therapized harder, spiritually evolved harder, and maybe bought one more planner or funky notebook, I would finally become the GROWN ASS woman I was supposed to be and finally “get my sh*t together” as an artist and entrepreneur, with a coherent brand identity and personal aesthetic.

(Spoiler alert: 14 planners did not save me! #rude)

Over time, I began to realize something that changed my entire premise of ‘getting my sh*t together”:

What if “getting your shit together” was never supposed to mean becoming someone else and fitting into the typical ‘success’ mold of society?

What if the whole premise was wrong - because society is inherently broken and wrong?

What if my problem was not that I was lazy, broken, immature, undisciplined, or defective?

What if we are supposed to burn everything to the ground (not literally) and start over?

PPS Do you think the soda Mountain DEW sponsored the fires in LA? #STAYWOKEPEOPLE jk lol #OutdatedAndUnfunny

I don’t know what is true anymore and I don’t care. We are going to heal this planet one joke at a time no matter what.

OK BACK TO ME

I talk about how “maybe society is the problem” not to enable mediocrity in myself, or normalize the
”hot mess” stereotype that women are encouraged to perpetuate.

I am not naive to the fact that we are doused all day in inorganic heavy metals, chemicals in our food and personal care products which mess with our hormones/endocrine system, along with brainwave altering nEMFs, blue light and other synthetic energies.

I am not naive to the fact that we are collectively being infantilized and normalized to have chronic illness - where everyone is coddled into normalizing being an immature “mess” and/or being Autistic, which feels less of a sign of a society headed towards true healing and Multi-dimensional #Inclusivity, and more of a possibly covert effort to coddle and weaken us from being able to do the most basic task, and push us onto a Universal Basic Income which is hardly free.

I am not saying autism, disability, or chronic illness are fake or shameful - I am saying I refuse to confuse accommodation with abandonment, or replace inclusion with quietly accepting a world that keeps making sensitive bodies sick and asking us to feel proud about it.

I AM NOT AN IDIOT or “IdIoT”. (Internet of Things) - but equally, I don’t think anything is “black or white” / 0s and 1s.

To be clear, I DO think our society is headed towards progress even if there have been attempts to normalize and monetize sickness and celebrate it as “the norm”

Regardless, as the good book says “NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER!”

No amount of inorganic heavy metals, EMFs or ANYTHING CAN TURN OFF OUR PINEAL GLANDS, AND I REFUSE TO NORMALIZE THE TIMELINE OF ORWELLIAN 1984 VIBES.

As people are getting Smarter and Smarter, I am getting Dumber and Dumber.

This is why I have designed a Dumb City, which is an alternative to Smart Cities.

I am here to make my own dumb crazy reality (not just in AI - but in IRL), get my sh*t together in MY OWN WAY, and change reality.

I have known this since I am a child and nothing has changed.

I just got #sidetracked for 20 years, being forced to learn everything I can about health and high sensitivity - out of necessity.

My exhaustion, OCD, anxiety and brain fog debilitated me from doing anything or seeing the world clearly.

But I love putting together a good puzzle….

TO BE CONTINUED

Love,

Carlen